If Wednesday comes and there is a "red wave" like everyone says there will be, well I will feel rather silly. Happy, but silly. I don't know for a fact that there won't be. If my explanation for how I am feeling is correct however, then perhaps I can use what is happening to me for my edification.
For the last couple days, I have felt uncharacteristically depressed. Like I am in mourning. Food has lost its flavor, I have no appetite. These could have perfectly normal biological explanations and I would be happy for them to be true: the problem arises if this explanation is wrong. I have no obvious signs of sickness. It is like I am going through the Biblical description of a fast.
Fasting and mourning go together, fasting is a kind of mourning. Sometimes as with the Ninevites after Jonah's visit, it is remorse for one's own sin. While I have many sins in my past, I don't think I am particularly sinny lately.
There is another reason for which people fasted in the Bible. When Moses brought down the tablets of the Ten Commandments to discover the Israelites worshiping cows, after he threw down the tablets, G-d said he would destroy the Israelites and make of Moses the new line of Israelites. Basically making Moses the new Abraham. Moses went back upon the mountain and threw himself on the ground and fasted 40 days and nights. Moses, in other words, was trying to influence G-d to change His mind.
Now this sounds ridiculous on its face, that G-d having decided something even could change His mind. I mean, He's G-d. If He decided something, that's how it's gonna be, period. Nevertheless, not only Moses fasted like this. David fasted in an unsuccessful effort to save his son's life. After his son died, then he ate and drank and his attendants were puzzled and a little offended by this. You fast and mourn while your son is alive, and then when your son is dead, THEN you eat? David's answer is that while his son was alive, he fasted in the hopes of averting G-d's decision, but once he was dead there was no point to that.
So clearly, if fasting can sometimes change G-d's mind, David didn't have the holiness mojo to do that and Moses did, since G-d did decide to have mercy on the Israelites after all.
Now the whole idea that fasting could change G-d's mind is a little crazy to me. One might suspect that G-d, rather than mainly wanting to wipe out the Israelites, wanted to make Moses more responsible for them, and putting their continued survival on him personally would do that. It is vaguely reminiscent of Elijah basically wanting to wash his hands of the Israelites altogether.
And the word of the Lord came to him: “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
He replied, “I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty.
The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars,
and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left,
and now they are trying to kill me too.”
~1 Kings 19:9-10
In other words, in Elijah's opinion the Israelites are altogether irredeemably evil. This declaration was prefaced by Elijah fasting, praying that he would die.
Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep.
All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.
The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. There he went into a cave and spent the night.
~1 Kings 19:3-9
What happened after that? Elijah's mantle passed onto Elisha. Why did that happen? Perhaps because Elijah could no longer intercede for the people, having essentially written them off or at least declared that he couldn't face their evil anymore. So G-d wanted to make Moses MORE responsible for Israel and G-d recognized that Elijah COULD NOT be responsible for Israel any more so Elisha had to take over. And both were prefaced with fasting by Moses and Elijah respectively, although it does not state explicitly that Elijah fasted but rather that he was in need of food, which under the circumstances probably meant that he had been fasting. Elijah had a servant, he could have probably afforded something at Beersheba's version of Taco Bell if he were in any mood to eat. ;)
So if what I am going through is sort of unconscious fasting FOR something, what is it I am unconsciously fasting for? What am I wishing to change G-d's mind about?
I am very much afraid that my soul, having perceived something that my mind has not, is fasting to avert a terrible disaster. The Midterm Elections. That the Democrats will win a great victory, by means fair or likely foul. And that G-d will let it happen. THAT is what I am very much afraid of.
I have not eaten all day, and now it is night. If this is what my body is fasting for, then perhaps I should eat. Accept it, accept it, that things are gone much farther than you thought. That horrible consequences are forthcoming, and nobody can stop it. If we win now, if we win in 2024, will that turn the tide of evil in this country? No, nothing short of calamity can turn it now. If we win and are smiling now, we are only setting ourselves up to mourn and cry in 2024 or 2028. America is still evil and godless, regardless. Nothing will change on Nov. 9, not really. The only medicine that will fix America now, is the road of pain.
I hope very very much that I am very mistaken about all of this. Nobody will be happier than I to be made the fool of. But I think I am fasting to change G-d's mind about Nov. 8. Or I am fasting, because He needs to change MY mind about what will happen on Nov. 8. That I have to accept that I am hoping for a lost cause.
"The anger of the Lord will not turn back
Till it has fulfilled and completed His purposes.
In the days to come, you shall clearly perceive it."
~Jeremiah 23:20
