I have a journal, but I don't use it to record the mundane facts of my life. I only use it to record religious thoughts. The earliest date in it is November 2018, but there are several pages before that of undated reflections so I assume I started in early 2018 or possibly before. This is part of one entry from that time.
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"I am weak and not strong, but when I look at the world I am strong for one thing: to be separate from it. To run from it. My strength is a jackrabbit's strength, to run.
To run from the world and it's darkness, this is my only strength.
Lord, I do hate the dark. I hate it with all my strength, my jackrabbit strength. I love truth, though it is sometimes hard to see. I love You. These are my only virtues. My strength is not that I am strong, but that I am afraid. I fear and hate the dark. Ignorance, greed, lies, violence, godlessness. I do hate these with all my heart. I can only come before you empty-handed, Lord, not as one with something to give, but as a beggar. And I do beg: save me from the dark.
I come before You as a refugee.
1 Samuel 2:9 - "for not by strength will man prevail."
I am a sparrow, who sings in Your shadow.
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